The one and only, Diamond.

If Caroline Kennedy actually becomes a US Senator when Hilary vacates her seat, it’ll be as brilliant as actually having an intelligent and moral President.  As magical as the moment when, after decades of silence, the Diamond revealed that one of the best songs ever recorded was written about who you always dreamed it should be even if you didn’t know it… yes, Caroline Kennedy.

Who could oppose this incredible woman, this daughter of JFK ascending to higher public service?  Watch for who does, and then add them to your list with Adolf Hitler, Karl Rove, Osama Bin Laden, and other colossal assholes.

In the meantime, we win.

After 8 years of simian leadership and attitudes about Science we haven’t seen since the Medieval Catholic church, it’s all too easy now to knee jerk the other way… and I for one shall not refrain.

Genetics research has apparently come a long way during this dark age. While most people have been looking the other way, a researcher recently stated that he could bring a Mammoth to life. Author/Journalist Nicholas Wade has called extra attention to this with a series of articles, interviews and a book.

The Mammoth at (an estimated) paltry 10 million could be walking around and dropping huge turds before the electric car resurrects. And why stop there… Wade calls for reviving Neanderthals and other long extinct Earthlings. Although many ideas in his book are queer as a 4 dollar bill (Jews were selected for higher intelligence than other peoples because of the calculational demands of money-lending *), we can still cautiously embrace scientific progress together.

After all, aren’t the real questions, who are we? What are we doing here?  And why are assholes always in charge?  We could help answer these and more by reviving our old “cousins.”  We either killed them off, bred them out of existence, or both, and I think we all need to know.

*Criticism on Nicholas Wade’s book.

It was absurdly reported today that in high demand for this holiday’s guest list parties are: black people.  To big clients, being a winner now means being black, and no brand can be without a winner, because most people are idiots who buy brands.

Here’s a few of the most wanted tokens (the forlorn learned about from reading Gawker and talking to braggy PR douches) for this Holiday season:

Maggie Betts (Socialite)

*

Malcolm Harris (Designer/Activist)

*

D’arn old (Rapper and Hustler)

More, sadly.

thunk, thunk thunk…thunk, thunk thunk.

If I was a talented man of action, I’d dress up as Karen Carpenter and reinterpret this song as a lament for Jesus, and make a million bucks. But i’m just an idea guy. Maybe you should do it.

There is one with whom I no longer speak,
She no longer lingers, pesters or plays,
No more footsie feets, no more cheek to cheek,
But I don’t miss her, I’d rather be free.

I used to focus in on her wide eyes,
Macro and capture their sparkling sighs,
As soft sighs and pale days passed us by,
So warm and deep brown, they were just like mine.

Now with little cause to laugh or to jest,
My worth is in toil and work that pays.
In this wretched stress, it is I confess,
I can no longer nap upon her breast.

It’s not her company that I lament,
Nor that there is no small beauty who stays.
My reservoir of good feelings are spent,
And now all I care about is the rent.

There is one with whom I no longer speak,
I do not miss her, though I can no longer sleep.

*

Or how I froze without my warm puppy, you son of a bitch.