Salute, here’s to you and:

10. Less work and more jobs.

9. More dry wine, preferably from a clay amphora.

8. No More Uggs. Because giant, fat, floppy elephant feet are not attractive, especially on girls. Soggy and stained, giant, fat, floppy elephant feet seem worse.

7. No more Loud phones with shitty speakers you can talk at while holding on an awkward angle to your face so everyone can hear your inane conversation and peg you for a massive douche. Although, at least they peg you as a massive douche so the rest of us can just avoid you out right.

6. Phones and other devices that are built to last. What happened to making things out of bronze?

5. Fresher herbs and spices.

4. The Hobbit. BILBO LIVES.

3. Smarter profiling at airports. Because detaining me in a windowless room and then body searching me was a waste of everyone’s time. If I’m going to blow something up, it’s obviously going to be an Ugg store.

2. A new cabinet for Obama.

1. More love. More liberal, hot, true, furry, crazy, skinny love.